It’s About To Be A What!?!

Biel and Beckensale

On Friday Columbia Pictures will release the remake to the hit Arnold Schwarzenegger film, Total Recall. In the new film, Irish actor Colin Farrell will be taking on the lead role of Douglas Quaid in the action packed, high flying, science-fiction movie. Rounding out the principal cast is Kate Beckensale, playing the role of Farrell’s wife and Jessica Biel as another love interest of the main character. This movie should prove to be just as exciting and fast paced as its 1990 counterpart. In the original, Arnold, naturally doesn’t let audiences down. Proved even further he was the ultimate action hero. But let me point out other stellar performances of the 1990 film. Michael Ironside as villainous Richter, the stop at nothing henchman tasked to restore Quaid’s false life. And there’s also Ronny Cox, as Cohaagen, the chief villain, who is seemingly made to star as a Paul Verhoeven antagonist. But in an attempt to steal the movie from all of them was the movies two female leads, Rachel Ticotin and Sharon Stone. The two of them would go on to share one of the greatest movie scenes in action movie history, and almost every guy’s yearning to see: the all-out knockdown, drag-out, girl fight.

In the 1990 Total Recall, we saw Sharon Stone put a hurting on her on-screen husband Arnold, who’s twice her size. Then we met Rachel Ticotin, or Melina, the tough as nails rebel fighter. Two girls, one guy, with neither one being the cry-over-my-man type, they had to settle their differences the old fashion way. The same way thousands of men across America are looking forward to seeing the hot British actress Kate Beckensale and America’s girl next door Jessica Biel. So what is it about the good ole-fashioned girl fight that tickles a guy’s fancy? Yes, we see people fight all the time, and for the most part it’s a man versus another man, not as often as the other gender squaring it up. But is it just that rarity of a difference that sparks the fascination? Let’s explore a little.

To men, it’s almost a tale of opposites. Two men fighting it’s a serious matter, there’s anger and rage. While women on the other hand, it could be those same feelings, but it’s hard for a man to see it that way. Men are defenders and protectors by nature. Women aren’t as much. So to see this new side of a woman is attractive in the least. And also there’s an opposite with the way women fight in comparison to men. Men are throwing fist, tackling, slamming, and really trying to make sure his opponent doesn’t get up. Now imagine two women in a catfight; not the same picture, eh? There’s hair flying all over the place, scratching, some hollering, and pulling of clothes. And it’s actually that pulling of clothes that makes one of the chief reasons why guys are intrigued in a girl fight. We visually stimulated guys are hoping and praying that a random breast will pop out somewhere along the flurry of feminine madness. Literally, add water, stir and bam; any guy’s fantasy.

Guys are simple. You give us a barbaric clash that’s both competitive and electrifying to the sight and we’re caught in the tractor beam of a train wreck and almost have to watch. Fortunately us guys have a great outlet to live out this spirited desire where no one gets hurt; through movies and television. In come the likes of Rachel Ticotin and Sharon Stone giving guys the best of what they got. So let’s take this moment to recognize the best girl on girl action we’ve seen on the big screen. Lets first acknowledge all three girl fights in the Kill Bill series. The Bride vs Vernita Green. The Bride vs O-Ren Ishii. The Bride vs Elle Driver. Keeping with the kung-fu action genre, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon had a couple interesting fights. Here are my surprise two though. Bridgette Fonda had a few fights in The Point of No Return, but her fight with Jennifer Jason Leigh from Single White Female easily stands out. Talk about knockdown, drag-out, those two really took it too each other. But as we’ll have two of the hottest women going at each other in the new Total Recall, the last two hottest woman to duke it out were featured in 2 Days in the Valley, between Teri Hatcher and Charlize Theron. Not the best movie ever made, and Teri Hatcher was even nominated for a worst actress award, but boy did she bring us a good one though. We’re talking spandex, tights, glass break over the head, pulling weapons out of the purse…it was lovely. Unfortunately, no accidental nudity though. Bummer. But all of those fights still do not compare to the top girl fight of them all. Two uncredited roles in an early 1980s movie. They had a small part, but it did steal the show. I’m talking about the two blonde girl scouts in Airplane. We never knew the story between those two, but it started over a poker game. We had a good mix of grunts, drink in the face, chair throwing and a little panty flashing. If you want a good girl fight, or a good fight in general, look up that one first.

Not for nothin’, but I’m not going to be able to do myself justice and get out of this conversation without mentioning the literal guys fantasy when it comes to a girl fight, as it was a guys fantasy that was played out. It was from a Miller Light commercial. One girl for “Taste great,” and the other for “Less filling.” When you have two such opposing sides, you know that will never end well! This one had pools, lingerie, a little mud, the works. Let’s bring that one back for a more direct reference as much as we need to. Enjoy!

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