The Mysterious Thong Cape Scooter Man

thong cape scooter manRoaming the streets of Madison, Wisconsin, evil-doers beware. There’s a mysterious caped crusader lurking in broad daylight. Scum need not to be shaking in their boots, for the only people who this beacon of goodness instills fear into are the completely normal, sane and apparently little school children.

Last week, just as a group of children were walking to the bus after school, the “Thong Cape Scooter Man”, as he’s colloquially known, rode pass on a patrol. Naturally upon seeing the sight of a middle-aged, near senior citizen, not just riding a scooter, not just in a cape, but also wearing just a thong, would seem wrong to any everyday person, much less little kids.

So as the cruiser, who is wearing next to nothing, rides just feet from children at school, one has to think that he’s either A) Not all there, B) Has serious issues, or C) Out to get little kids. Well, two out of three isn’t bad.

Teachers were alarmed to see the sight, as they should have been, and called the cops. The Thong Cape Scooter Man was picked up by the local police. After questioning him and the law, there was nothing the authorities could do because apparently, the Thong Cape Scooter Man was not doing anything wrong.

“He said he exercised poor judgement by going by the school at the time of day, it was unintentional and he just happened to be traveling through the area,” police spokesman Joel DeSpain said. “The sergeant told the school staff Thong Cape Scooter Man was free to ride on.”

So here we are in the day and age where children across the world are kidnapped daily, forced into sex slavery, pornography, and exposed to the type of abuse that would harm the naive mind of many adults.

It’s painful to see children go through this, where they could very rightfully be so afraid to go out and play on any bright sunny day of the week. Why? Because there are some very sick, criminal and evil people in this world, who by some sick and twisted thought processes find if they victimize the innocent and weak it feeds some backwards, insane desire that they feel.

These sickos seem like everyday people, hell, they could be your neighbor. You’d never know as they dress, talk and act just like you and me. How on earth could you ever point these people out? Well if you were pointing at a grown-ass man in a thong, riding a scooter, you’d need to keep looking.

Not for nothin’, but is a charge of “being off your meds” out of the question? The police and the city attorney came to the conclusion that the Thong Cape Scooter man was not doing anything wrong. But if they asked the opinion of common decency, it’s not hard to figure out he’s just not right (in the mind). Harmless, local celebrity, or out for a brisk ride on a sunny day, all seems like good excuses. But we know damn well those teachers and students had every right to be concerned.

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